Dear Doggie Claus,?
This year has been memorable! I was a bad dog, but in a good way. Just because I escaped from my yard and prowled the neighborhood doesn’t mean I was the dog getting into the neighbor’s trash. Besides, my family needs to know that their security measures are not that good. Better fences make great neighbors and the statement the cat gave the “Dog Cop” was completely fabricated. He said he saw me tearing out the neighbor’s trash. But really, can he say it was truly me? There is another dog in the neighborhood who looks just like me and he lives at 108 Fido Lane. You reading this “Copper?”
I really believe the family cat is getting old. All his claims he makes against me about getting into the trash and chasing him makes me worry for him. So, just to show that my heart is in the right place, I ask that you bring my feline friend a pair of glasses so he can get his facts straight. Oh and some catnip would be nice too.
I have a confession to make. I have been backsliding very badly on my chewing habits. Just the other day, Dad left his nice leather shoes down and I was passing by them when the memory of chewing a pair like them hit me. I found myself salivating so bad that before I could remember the “BAD Dog! No touchie!!” rule, I had them in my mouth running to another room. They were tasty. Just like old smelly socks and leather, yummy. My Dad was walking around looking for those shoes not long after and I played it so cool by laying there. I just stretched, yawned and gave him the look like, “What is wrong?” He kept giving me the look of “You got my shoes and if I could prove it, ewwweeee, I would tan your hide!” Well, he won’t find them because I buried them in the trash. Yes, I can dig in the trash and not get my paws dirty, can’t anyone? Can you bring him some new shoes to replace his old ones? They needed replacing anyway and it was just my way of doing him another favor.
About the “Pottie Patch” you brought me last year. Well, it worked great until I left a few poop mines and then my parents were like “What did you eat?” Or when they came home before they found the mess and said “What is that smell?” So, to alleviate my family coming home to that terrible smell and save face, could you bring me a dog door to be installed in my house? I really would like to come and go when I please. Besides, the cat should be able to wander out when he wants to also. Hehehe….
My year has been an awesome experience again, Doggie Claus, and should there be anything I didn’t cover (like bones and food), could you please surprise me and bring me some? Thanks and Merry Christmas!
Everybody’s Favorite Canine Family Member